Bila hati rasa tak kena

Today. The 8th day of Ramadhan

Lately tak tau la kenapa rasa always not right. I'm just feeling so mixed up la. Or maybe im just thinking TOO MUCH that i'm feeling so mixed up. Or, maybe i'm under major anxiety that is making me to NOT think smartly. Or is maybe that i'm to friggin' stressed up that i just need to just chill?. SAY WHAT? APE ITU CHILL?

I went running last night 2 1/2 hours after Iftar. 27mins of ME TIME. Ran to clear my mind, my thoughts, my feelings, my soul and to get a figure of MEGAN FOX *tgh berlari pun boleh berangan macam tu..see how messed up my mind is?*. The feeling was good. The feeling 0f 27 mins of running that gave me that "high". But it was just for 27 mins. Should have added up another 27mins yesterday. But it rained soon the minute i reached home. The 28th minute.

Again, why am I feeling so messed up?. I should be calm this holy month. Not to be feeling this way. I think FB stinks. What i see, what i read there sometimes can either be inspirational or will only de-motivate me. I think i should just get disconnected with it. I think life was much simpler when 13 years back. But why 13 years back?. No hps. Public phone je ada kalau emergency. Internet wasnt that advanced as today. NO FB, NO MYSPACE, NO FRIENDSTER. Only MIRC. lagi best. Just chat. Tak payah jumpa. Tak perlu post gambar.Hahah.

Time skola rendah plg tak best sebab selalu disisihkan because i was big and fat.Time skola menengah paling best. Takde sape tau pasal time skola rendah i yang tak berapa best.Bila ada extra koko jer paling excited.2-3 times in a week sure stay back sbb ada extra curricular. Pegi sekolah, balik sekolah. Tu la rutin hari2.Malam pegi tuition. Takpun curi2 tgk tv kejap padahal weekdays tidak dibenarkan tgk tv. Petang kena pegi naik basikal tak pun pegi usha budak2 hot kat skola main bola. Kalau hujan petang tgk drama cina kat tv3. sampai taksub dibuatnya. Takpun tgk citer Lasurpadora tak pun Mis Tres Hermanas

Time skola, saya pengawas. Tapi pengganas.Buat spot-check rampas liquid paper murid2 (tapi bagi balik sebab liquid paper sebenarnya berguna untuk betulkan spelling bila menyalin nota dalam buku rampaian. Bukan untuk conteng kain baju kurung or conteng meja tulis "I love you backstreet boys" or "I love you Cikgu X" dan sebagainy. Takpun guna LP untuk conteng kat dinding toilet dengan perkataan2 seperti "sohai" "cibai" dan sebagainya (opppss, sorry tulis bukan2 time bulan puasa sebab tu fakta dan bukan auta.ahah)

Masuk silat, jadi naib kapten rumah hijau (skuad kawad saya selalu menang.ahah), masuk kelab pencegah jenayah yang ntah pape. Semua jawatan yang atas2 nak bolot je. Yela, sape tak nak jadi femes kat skola..Hahah.. Bila ada event je, suka sgt jadi MC. Cikgu2 suka kot?. Tak kisah la orang kata gila kuasa ke apeHaha. Janji keluar dari sekolah rasa macam cemerlang. Cemerlang ke?. Bila result SPM kluar, baru la tau cemerlang ke tak. Tapi ok la kan, dapat gak masuk U tetiba downgrade masuk College. Dapat keje kejap and now dapat masuk U balik. OK la kan. Tapi kenapa i masih rasa tak kena *ala mode ngomel2?*

Mungkin Pra-simptom bulanan kot?.Uishh..gila melampau

Takpun rasa macam ni sebab umo dah bukan 13, lots of responsibilities. Nak kena jaga hati orang tu orang ni. Tersilap kata and langkah nanti dikata tak kenang budi pulak kan. Tapi nk buat macam mana..Sabar je la kan. Paling kuat nak buat pun is just to put on my running shoes and just go run. Dapat la rasa "high" tu kejap, dapat la 'lari' kejap dari prob.Hmm..macam2 problem yang melanda skrg. Antaranya studies, keluarga, hati dan perasaan. Pastu datang plak feelings on envious bila nampak cousin sebaya/ lagi muda keje gempak, drive kereta yang ada logo VW tu. Amacam? Takpun bila tgk junior kita yang tgh buat masters submit thesis dia dulu dari kita.Amik kauu.Rasa tertekan tak?. Tgh puasa pun rasa macam tak puasa tau. Silap haribulan nak beraya pun tak kuasa tau.Tapi takpe, tu mungkin semua dugaan and cabaran so that i could challenge myself to be the best. *kata2 nak bakar semangat la kononnya*

So tu la dia. tak penah2 la aku nak post blog macam ni la kan. My posts have positive vibes most of the time. But i guess not today and guess i've just poured out what i felt inside.

Bila hati rasa tak kena, inilah jadinya